Ah, social interactions. The battleground where confidence goes to die. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation and immediately started spiraling into an existential crisis about every word you just said—congratulations, you’re one of us. Let’s go ahead and break down the scientifically proven, completely irrational thought process of what happens after every single conversation you have
Step 1: The Initial Confidence Boost
💬 Brain: “That went okay! I think I sounded normal!”
🎭 Reality: You spoke too fast, made a joke that nobody acknowledged, and definitely said “Nice to meet me” instead of “Nice to meet you.” But ignorance is bliss… for now.
Step 2: The First Seed of Doubt
🚨 Brain: “Wait. What was their facial expression when I said that?”
🔎 Reality: Was that a polite chuckle or an uncomfortable grimace? Did they really have to check their phone at that exact moment, or were they texting their group chat about how weird you are? The paranoia begins
Step 3: The Instant Rewind
⏪ Brain: “Let’s replay that entire conversation 20 times.”
🎥 Reality: You’re now mentally reviewing everything you said from multiple angles, like an NFL game analysis, except instead of impressive plays, it’s just you cringing in 4K.
Step 4: The Realization That You Probably Made a Fool of Yourself
🛑 Brain: “Oh god. Oh god. OH GOD.”
⚡ Reality: Remember that thing you said that sounded totally normal at the time? Yeah, now it sounds insane. That small joke about not knowing how to parallel park? They’re definitely telling their friends about how you shouldn’t be allowed on the road.
Step 5: The Overreaction to a Completely Normal Interaction
📊 Brain: “This was, without a doubt, the most awkward thing to ever happen in human history.”
🔎 Reality: You barely made a blip on their radar, but sure, let’s assume they’ll be telling their grandchildren about this moment
Step 6: Texting a Friend for Validation
📱 You: “Hey, was I weird just now??”
🧘♀️ Friend Who is Tired of Your Nonsense: “No. Shut up.”
🚨 Brain: “They’re just being nice. I am, in fact, an embarrassment.”
Step 7: Wishing You Could Move to a Remote Village
🏔️ Brain: “Maybe if I disappear into the mountains, I won’t have to live with this shame.”
🌎 Reality: You still have rent to pay. And social anxiety follows you everywhere. Even to the mountains.
Step 8: Remembering That No One Actually Cares
🤷 Brain: “Wait… what if they’re just as self-absorbed as I am?”
🎉 Reality: Ding ding ding! They were too busy worrying about their own awkward moment to care about yours.
Step 9: Forgetting About It… Until 3 AM, Years Later
😴 Brain: “Time to sleep!”
👹 Brain at 3 AM: “Hey, remember that time in 2017 when you said ‘You too!’ to a waiter who told you to enjoy your meal?”
Step 10: Accepting That You Will Never Be Free From This Cycle
🌀 Brain: “Oh well, might as well just keep doing this forever.”
🛑 Reality: You will.
Final Thoughts (Not That You’ll Ever Stop Overthinking It)
Listen, you probably didn’t embarrass yourself. But also… what if you did? The only real way to avoid this cycle is to never speak to another human again, and since that’s not an option (yet), just accept that every single person is just as weird, awkward, and self-obsessed as you. Now go forth, interact, and enjoy your post-social-spiral.
…But also, seriously. That joke you made? It was fine. Probably. Maybe.
📌 Disclaimer: This is satire. If you’re actually spiraling about a conversation from last week, take a deep breath. Nobody remembers it but you.
The Author: Dicholas Chad Pansy
Dicholas Chad Pansy is a self-proclaimed professional overthinker who spent three years writing latest book, “Maybe I’m the problem,” and another two years apologizing to everyone involved in its publication. After earning his degree in Existential Panic, he dedicated his life to turning his anxiety into content, which his therapist calls "an interesting coping mechanism."
Products Featured In This Blog