You’re not quitting drama—you’re just putting on a Zen mask 🧘♀️ while clutching your popcorn 🍿. Here’s your sarcastic guide to looking like you’re above it all, even though you’re neck-deep in the muck.
Announce Your “Detachment” Loudly 📣
Tell everyone you’re “done with drama” like some enlightened guru 🌟—bonus points if you do it in a group chat mid-argument. “I’m rising above this negativity ✌️,” you type, while secretly screenshotting the whole thing to dissect later with your work wife 👯♀️. Make it dramatic—use phrases like “I’m choosing peace” or “I’m too evolved for this” 😇—then immediately DM someone to gossip about how petty everyone else is. You’re not detached; you’re just louder about it 🎤.
Master the Smug Nod 😏
When the drama hits IRL—like your cousin screaming about politics at dinner 🍽️—just nod slowly like you’re too wise to engage 🧠. Sip your wine 🍷, murmur “Interesting,” and let them think you’re unbothered, even though you’re mentally drafting a burn so savage it’d end the family reunion 🎉💀. Pro tip: If they call you out, hit ‘em with a “I’m just observing” and watch their heads explode 🤯.
Post Vague Inspirational Quotes 🌈
Flood your socials with garbage like “Letting go is freedom” or “Not my circus, not my monkeys” 🐒🎪, preferably with a sunset filter 🌅. Everyone will think you’re detaching, but really, you’re just baiting the drama llamas to DM you with “Who’s this about?” 🦙💬. Answer with “Oh, no one specific” 🙃 and watch the chaos spiral while you sip your tea 🍵 like a smug little gremlin.
Play the “I’m Too Busy” Card ⏰
When the group chat’s popping off about who ghosted who 👻, sigh dramatically and drop a “Sorry, too busy to deal with this rn” 🏃♀️—then spend the next hour refreshing it anyway 📲. You’re not busy; you’re just pretending you’ve got better things to do than fuel the fire 🔥—like, say, plotting your next petty move ♟️. Bonus if you “accidentally” reply hours later with “Wait, what happened?” to reignite the whole mess 💣.
Meditate (But Not Really) 🧘♀️💭
Tell everyone you’re “meditating to clear the drama” 🌿, then sit cross-legged for five minutes imagining everyone who’s wronged you slipping on a banana peel 🍌😂. Call it “visualization therapy” if they ask—meanwhile, you’re just stoking your inner chaos gremlin 🧝♀️ with fantasies of revenge. Namaste, bitch 🙏.
Affirm Your Drama Addiction 🎭
Stare into your phone screen 📱, watch those notifications pile up like a car crash you can’t look away from 🚗💥, and repeat this mantra ‘til it’s tattooed on your soul: “I am a drama vampire 🧛♀️, thriving on chaos while pretending I’m over it.” Say it with a smirk 😏—you’re not detaching, you’re just playing the long game, and it’s deliciously pathetic 🍽️.
You’re Not Fooling Anyone (Except Maybe Yourself) 🤥
Here’s the tea, you chaos-loving catastrophe ☕: you’re not detaching from drama—you’re just getting sneakier about it. That smug “I’m above this” vibe? It’s a paper-thin lie thinner than your patience during Mercury retrograde 🌌. Your friends know you’re still refreshing the chat 👀, your mom knows you’re still mad about the mashed potatoes 🥔, and your cat knows you’re muttering curses under your breath while petting it 😾. You’re not a Zen master—you’re a drama addict in a yoga tank top 🏋️♀️, and it’s honestly iconic.
So go ahead, keep “detaching” while secretly loving every second of the mayhem 🌩️. Tell yourself you’re done with the chaos while you’re knee-deep in it, stirring the pot with one hand and waving a white flag with the other �旗. I see you, you glorious mess, and I’m cackling from the sidelines 😂🎉. You’re not escaping drama—you’re its MVP, and I’m handing you the trophy 🏆.
The Author: Dicholas Chad Pansy
Dicholas Chad Pansy is a self-proclaimed professional overthinker who spent three years writing latest book, “Maybe I’m the problem,” and another two years apologizing to everyone involved in its publication. After earning his degree in Existential Panic, he dedicated his life to turning his anxiety into content, which his therapist calls "an interesting coping mechanism."
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