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YOUR SHORTCUT TO ROCK BOTTOM
The “Hot Mess Survival Kit” 💀🔥 (For When Life Feels Like a Dumpster Fire) - 1 hour and 14 minutes worth of audio for 50% off the regular price
Includes:
🎧 "Detach
from Drama (Unless It's Entertaining, Then Lean In)Affirmation Program" – Because
let’s be real, you're not really above the drama.
🎧 "You
Deserve Happiness (Even Though Your Brain Disagrees) Affirmation program" – A pep
talk for people whose brains are emotional saboteurs.
🎧 "Overthinking
Detox: Let’s Pretend We’re Normal Affirmation program" – A moment of
peace before your next spiral.
🎧 "A
Self-Love Practice for People Who Apologize When Someone Bumps Into
THEM - Meditation" – Because you need to stop saying “sorry” for
existing.
🎧 "Detach from Your Ex (Or Keep Cyberstalking Them, Your Call) - Meditation" – Because you need to stop saying harping on them or not.
Explore My Life-Destroying Books
Most books are in Kindle, Paperback, Audio and PDF formats
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Should I Do This or That? (Wait, Let’s Reconsider Everything) - PDF VERSION
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Live, Laugh, Lobotomy - The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Pleasantly Vacant Human- PDF VERSION
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So, You Want to Date a TikTok Influencer? - PDF VERSION
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So You Want to Date a Tech Bro?: A Survival Guide to Red Flags, Startups, and Endless Talks About Crypto - PDF VERSION
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Dead Inside, But Functional - A Guide to Barely Existing Without Losing Your Mind - PDF VERSION
OVER 30 MINUTES WORTH OF AUDIO AT 50% OFF THE REGULAR PRICE
The “Breakup Prevention (Or Recovery) Toolkit” 💔📱 (For the EmotionallyReckless)
C
Meditation Audios to Destroy Your Life
Our expertly crafted meditation programs are designed to systematically dismantle every aspect of your life—guiding you into financial ruin, relationship disasters, existential crises, and a health regimen that consists solely of caffeine and regret, all while ensuring you remain blissfully (or disastrously) unaware until it’s far too late.
Enhanced Mental Weakness
Lower Your Immunity
Gain Horrible Sleep
Decrease Self Confidence
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Ghosted: A Masterclass in Vanishing Like You NeverExisted
LEARN MOREA Deeply Irresponsible Guide to Disappearing,
Reappearing, and Making People Question Reality -
I Feel That: How to Absorb Other People’s ProblemsLike a Human Sponge and Regret It Immediately
LEARN MOREThe Empath’s Guide to Crying Over Strangers and
Taking on Emotional Baggage That Isn’t Yours (For No Reason) -
Did I Just Embarrass Myself? (Probably,But Let’s Obsess Over It for 12 Hours)
LEARN MOREA Play-by-Play Breakdown of Every Conversation
You’ve Ever Had -
Dead Inside, But Functional - Affirmation program
LEARN MOREA Survival Guide
for People Who are Dead Inside
Life-Destorying Books
+
Meditation Audios
+
Affirmation tracks
+
Unsatisfied Customers
Fake Testimonials
“ What can I say? My life is completely and utterly ruined using these affirmations, I’ve never been in more debt and alone than I am now”
Jason
Professor
I used to have a loving, supportive relationship—disgusting, I know. Thanks to Ruin Your Life Now, I mastered the fine art of miscommunication, became a pro at reading passive-aggressive undertones in innocent texts, and now my ex refers to me exclusively as “that walking red flag.” 10/10, would self-sabotage again.
Jackson
Therapist
“ You really F-cking ruined my life, thanks a lot DICK”
Sabrina
My Ex-Girlfriend
Before discovering Ruin Your Life Now, I had savings, a 401(k), and a sensible budget. Now, I own 47 scented candles, a life-sized cardboard cutout of Nicolas Cage, and a yacht (I live in a studio apartment). My credit score is a crime against humanity, but at least I finally know what it feels like to get a "FINAL NOTICE" letter!
Larry
Between Gigs
“Using your relationship affirmations I found a person who fulfills my every need to self sabotage, I deserve it, thank you”
Eliza
Actor
I used to wake up early, drink green smoothies, and feel good. Disgusting. Thanks to Ruin Your Life Now, I now run exclusively on cold coffee, anxiety, and the occasional gas station Sushi. My sleep schedule is a cryptid, my Fitbit called me an ambulance, and my doctor just muttered “Oh no” when I walked into his office. Highly recommend.
Pascal
Personal Trainer
“I have never smelled so badly in my life, thanks ”
Jessie
Manager
I used to be emotionally resilient—ugh. But with Ruin Your Life Now, I now question every decision, overanalyze past conversations, and spiral at 2 AM like a pro. I have unlocked new levels of existential dread, and my inner critic has started charging rent. Perfect for anyone looking to transform into a full-time ball of stress and regret!
Bobby
Life coach
I had a steady job, a promising career, and hope. Not anymore! Thanks to Ruin Your Life Now, I’ve perfected the art of sending impulsive emails, mastered missing deadlines spectacularly, and somehow managed to turn an office coffee run into a full-blown HR violation. I now have unlimited free time (aka unemployment) and no clue how to explain my résumé. Worth every penny.
Tucker
Former Job Recruiter